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[May 28th, 2010] |
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Friends Only.
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| THIS GOES OUT TO MAH GRL, AMANDA~!~!~!~! |
[September 27th, 2007] |
okay so.
-oct. 8th, jarrod and i are flying to alabama to get our car :)
mile high club, here i come!
-nov. 6th, maylene and the sons of disaster and every time i die show! fucking kick ASS!!!
-nov. 7th, JARROD'S 19TH BIRTHDAY! don't worry, everyone is invited. :D
-nov. 22nd, badfish (sublime tribue band) show. never listened to them but everyone says that they are amazing.
-nov. 24th, BRAND NEW concert! i've been waiting to see them since the 9th grade.
and a bunch of stuff in between probably.
tonight was fun. me, jarrod, dan, ashley, mazetti, danielle, gay alex, and chris went to galleys pizza, then the beach to skim board. it was so beautiful, there was a full moon and the sunset was simply amazing.
i love living in florida!
and, it was the first day that i haven't smoked in a looooong while. it was pretty nice actually.
tomorrow me and kristen and alex are eating some shrooms and hopefully tripping. it's been really hit and miss lately with the shrooms here but we get them free so we can't complain much.
too tired to type anymore.
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[September 2nd, 2007] |
Today I played Harry Potter on Wii and it was awesome. Tonight=weed olympics! I am somewhat excited, after this Jarrod and I aren't smoking for a week. The past few days have been pretty good, no Bob lurking around and partying every night. But my body is definitely tired.
I'm going to post a bunch of pictures soon.
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[August 27th, 2007] |
After having an emotional breakdown almost every day for the past month, I have decided to quit taking Ortho-Tricyclen Lo. I realized that after the first couple of weeks of taking it, I get mood swings like crazy and I think it's driving my boyfriend mad. I'll get mad over EVERYTHING, seriously. I just don't feel like myself anymore. Poor Jarrod, it must be difficult to have a psycho bitch as a girlfriend. He's been incredibly understanding about the whole thing though. So no more birth control pills for me, it's not worth it anymore.
AND I'm going to try and not smoke weed today because this has been my schedule just about every day:
Wake up and smoke.
Go somewhere, smoke on the way.
Friends come over, we smoke.
3 am in the morning and I can't go to bed, so I smoke!
And that's waaaayy too much and I feel like a shell of a person. Except I already smoked once today but I stopped early.
Just got a text from jarrod: "i love you so much goofy butt!"
Last night was awful but also kind of good. Robbie, Dale, and Dan came over after Jarrod got off work and we smoked. Then we all went to Mazetti's and Bob came too, we watched both Kill Bill's which was a mistake and smoked some more. Danielle wanted to make blueberry muffins but she needed 2 eggs and milk and Dan wanted limes and oranges for his blue moon beer or whatever so we went to Publix and stole 2 eggs and the fruit but I bought the milk. Anyway, at the end of the night I started to feel like shit, emotionally and physically which makes me frustrated. Wouldn't you feel frustrated if you generally felt like shit? So I start crying a little bit, but I keep in extremely low key except Jarrod noticed because he always does. By the time we are out the door I am completing bawling. Jarrod is like, "What is wrong with you?" And that's when I realized that I've turned into a modern day Jekyll & Hyde. So that made me ever more upset so I cried more, Jarrod said, "Don't be upset, there is nothing to be upset about." Which again, made me feel worse for whatever reason. We got in Bob's van, and went to Walgreens to buy stuff. Jarrod had to stay in the van to keep Angus company and I was about to go in the store when he grabbed my arm and he held my face in his hands and wiped the mascara that was smudged on my cheek and said that he loves me with all his heart and he's sorry for getting frustrated with me and then he kissed me a lot. So that made me feel better. We got home and we were hanging out in my room and Bob asked why my parents hate Jarrod and I told them about how I promised them I would stay a virgin until I was married. So we talked about that a bit, and I felt another emotional episode coming on, I think Bob sensed it too because he said he was going to go to bed. As soon as he leaves I started to cry again and Jarrod asked if I regret having sex with him. I said no but I don't know how I'm going to explain that to my future husband since I'm supposed to be pure and whatnot. And I was seriously crying sooo hard, it was ridiculous. Then Jarrod said, "Well, I'm not trying to hint at anything but what if your future husband is me? What if we make it?" So that made me think a bit. Then he said, "I want you to always remember what I'm going to say next, always. You are going to make some guy extremely happy one day. I hope it's me because I love you so much." So, with that we slowly drifted off to sleep together.
We woke up this morning with our legs all tangled together. We looked at each other and smiled, he got up and got ready for work. He always looks so handsome right before he leaves. I think about him all day while he is at work and when he comes home, I rub his back and ask him how is day went. He says, "Well, it was work. How was your day, sweetheart?" Then I tell him all the things I did. We smile. Sometimes I think we both are thinking, "Wait--aren't we too young for this?" But then we realize that no, we aren't. We are just two young scallywags in love and that should never ever be wrong.
Last night he said, "You know, some people die without ever finding what you and I have."
"That's pretty scary." I said.
"Yeah, it really is."
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[August 26th, 2007] |
I woke up this morning to a very loud "FUCK!!!" that Jarrod yelled, incidentally in my ear. He was supposed to wake up at 8 to go to work and the clock read 9:25. Then Bob showed up, like he has been doing every morning for the past week or so. At least he's progressively showing up later, the first time he came at 7 in the morning on Jarrod's day to sleep in. Anyway, he brought Angus with him and Jarrod and I are looking after him for a few days. Angus is Bob's HUGE tomcat, he's pretty chill though. Just sits with you all day, desperate for attention. His real name is Little Prince but that's lame, so I call him Angus when Bob's not around.
Anyway, while Jarrod ran frantically around trying to find a clean sock to wear, I packed a bowl, we smoked, then headed out the door at 9:50. I decided to go with them just so I could get some fresh air. Bob and I came pack to Gary (Jarrod's grumbling asswipe of a stepdad) throwing stuff from the spare room into me and jarrod's room. The room was TRASHED. He basically tossed the cat foot and water bowls on the floor, piled 54645 pounds of dirty clothes onto the bed and on the floor. Okay, yeah, they didn't exactly know a cat was staying in there in the first place BUT thats not the point.
So Bob and I sat there looking at each other and we just started cleaning like MAD.
We actually vacuumed, too! The floor is really, really clean.
Then my Dad picked me up, he took me to Wal-Mart and bought me shampoo, conditioner, and q-tips. He also gave me 15 bucks!
Get this, my parents offered me a CAR, a MINIATURE CHIHUAHUA, and an APPLE LAPTOP to come home. They said that next year I could move to Toronto and start going to school and they would send me money every month. Last night I had the first doubts ever about me and Jarrod's relationship. Or maybe at least me and Jarrod living together. I could be making a lot of money right now and living an easy life. Not that right now things are hard really. The only aspect that I'm worried about is my job situation, which just improved tenfold since Jarrod's Mum(who works at corporate DMV) managed to get the scans of my green card that they took when I got my license! So that's cool.
It's weird how different things would be if I wasn't with Jarrod. At times I find myself wanting to go back...but I've always said that love comes first with me. And I really do love Jarrod. I've always wanted what Jarrod and I have, ever since I was a little girl. I had it once before with Jeff, but since he died I've been searching for it ever since. I've waited and waited.
I don't know...I need to think about it some more. I really want to stay with Jarrod though, he makes me happy and I'm young and I need to enjoy this while I still can before I get too old.
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| pot and cranberry juice |
[August 25th, 2007] |
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iron and wine=cool. jarrod is at work. bob is staying here and it's kind of obnoxious. i hate it when all of our friends are over and they walk WITH THEIR SHOES ALL OVER OUR BED. pfft. i'm definitely washing the sheets asap. just smoked by myself, super high. parents are about to pick me up so i can go to this adult soirée-type thing with them. that means lots of delicious hor'doeuvres! hurray for me! I am actually v. v. excited. shit! they're here!
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[August 20th, 2007] |
My week so far-compressed version.
slept over at amanda s' house saturday night.
came back home sunday morning, had to frantically hide the various marijuana paraphernalia b/c jarrod's dad is visiting from alabama.
went out to dinner with jarrod's dad and his friend bob at shells then we drove out to lakeland to visit some of their old friends.
it was an extremely interesting car ride. jarrod's dad kept hinting at me and jarrod's inevitable MARRIAGE which made me kind of nervous but excited in a weird way as well...i don't know. This lady from my old church took me out for sushi the other night and she preached at me the entire time. She said that Jarrod and I aren't in love, we're in lust and we couldn't possibly love each other because we are too young and it's just our hormones acting up. All I could think in my head was, "WTF?!" First of all, Jarrod and I went through a lot of shit in the very beginning of our relationship. If we were just interested in getting some poon, we would've broken up a long time ago because we rarely saw each other outside school and it's not like it's hard to find willing people these days. We stayed together even though my parents hated him and threatened to call the police and Jarrod said he wanted to stick with me through this and I just don't think people who were merely lusting after each other would do that.
whatever, end rant.
monday i woke up, smoked, jarrod and i talked about a bunch of stuff and then he kissed me goodbye when he left for work. it was like this:
Jarrod: (putting work hat on) Alright sweetheart, I'll see you in a few hours.
(kisses me a few times) I love you, bye!
Me: You too, have a great day.
*door shuts*
*few seconds pass*
Jarrod: (walks in with goofy grin on his face and kisses me again*) I love you!! bye!
and then you can repeat that about 3 more times until his mother yelled JARROD! and he had to rush out. teehee~
i called kristen, she picked me up and i went over there and played Wii and made my own Mii. It was so much fun! We went outside and smoked, then we went to Freedom to pick up Kimbo and TJ. IT WAS SO WEIRD TO NOT GO TO SCHOOL TODAY. :( I miss it terribly. After that we picked up Jarrod, then went back home to get his coins to cash at Publix. We went there and he cashed them and they were worth $30! So we bought pot and Jarrod is going to take me out to Moe's :)
Then we went back home and watched The Hunted, chilled and smoked. I smoke way too much, I think this journal is helping me realize that.
I think I better go check on the blueberry muffins I just made, they should be almost done.
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